Ghostbusters Review
by Daryn


If ever there was a game that is an example of the ultimate epitome of crap, a practical guide for how NOT to make a game, and the embodiment of all that is horrible in the video game world, Ghostbusters is all that and more! Never before have I seen graphics so horrible! The Atari 2600 wasn't even this bad. At least those graphics had COLOR!! Even the earliest of Arcade games looked better than this! Hand-held Tiger-type games look better than this! PONG looked better than this! PC TEXT ADVENTURES LOOKED BETTER THAN THIS!! And the sound....OoOooOoOoOoOhhhhh, the sound! How do you screw up one of the best songs of all time?! I don't know either, but this game manages to do it with flying colors. (No pun intended.) If John Tesh performed his own version of the Ghostbusters Theme it would sound better than this!

Now for the story. Okay, let's just forget that this game is based on the Ghostbusters movie. Don't even think about that. Here's the game's basic premise: You run around town tryng to earn enough money so that you can storm a skyscraper and fight a naked chick and her two dogs at the top. If you're a boy or a lesbian you're probably thinking, okay, how do you go wrong with that? Where do we begin? Once again, I don't think these are really the Ghostbusters. I think these are the same crew of janitors from the Ghostbusters 2 game when they were a little younger. I don't even think the people who made this game ever actually saw the movie. WHY does it take 2 Ghostbusters to carry a ghost trap? If memory serves me, in the movie and the cartoons, each GB carried a trap and they threw it on the ground. Why does it take 2 people to carry one Ghost Trap?!!??! Also, you'll notice that you only have three Ghostbusters, and it's quite obvious which one is missing. Now, I'm not saying the programmers were racist. It's just that they were either too lazy to create a separate graphic for the 4th GB, or they couldn't find the rest of the NES's color palette. Either that, or he was the only one smart enough to stay away from this disaster.

The thing I can't figure out is what Activision was trying to accomplish with this title, (other than to get Ghostbusters fans to buy it.) It seems like the goal was to create the most boring game possible, and they succeeded. The ghost-catching scenes are boring, the driving scenes are boring, climbing the skyscraper is boring, the graphics and sound are boring, you spend most of the time running out of car fuel which is monumentally boring, and even fighting the naked chick is boring, too!

It's come to my attention that almost any NES game with the letters G-H-O-S-T anywhere in the title is gonna suck big time. In fact anything, other than the first movie, anything with the word "Ghostbusters" plastered on it is guaranteed to exist only to annoy people. If fate should be that I not wake tomorrow, then I shall die happy knowing that I got this message out to everybody: DO WHATEVER YOU CAN TO STAY AWAY FROM THIS GAME!! If you see this game, head for the nearest bomb shelter. Call the police! Call 9-1-1! Call the fire company! If you should come into contact with the game, remember to NOT panic! First, stop, drop, and roll. Then apply peroxide to the infected area. Consult your doctor or physician immediately! If you accidentally end up playing this game by mistake, do not panic, either! Put down the controller. Turn the power switch off. Remove the game from the NES. Leave the room and don't come back until you find a hammer, mallet, or other such blunt object. Upon your return, proceed to smash game pak with hammer.

I will not lie. I have been close to death a few times in my life. However, none of those experiences were even half as bad as the experience I had playing Ghostbusters. This game is so boring, doctors used to prescribe it as a cure for insomnia. That is, until they found out it also causes insanity, dimensia, schizophrenia, and Tourette's. I don't even know how this game ends. I only managed to make it to the naked chick twice. All the other times I've played it, I fall asleep and usually wake up in Mexico somewhere. Probably because I have a tendency to sleepwalk, and I was dreaming of getting as far away from this game as possible.

My breakdown of Ghostbusters:
Story: 0 - You could get more story out of reading the ingredients on Cocoa Puffs than you can from this game.
Graphics: 0 - I have seen better looking things in bird excrement
Sound: 0 - If you banged out the Ghostbusters theme on trash can lids, it would still sound better than this rendition.
Control: 0 - Okay, the control, in all honesty, isn't that bad, except in the skyscraper. But it's awfully hard to control a game when you're sound asleep.
Hero Rating: 0 - The janitors don't quite cut it in this game.
Overall: 0 - There aren't insults low enough, profanities strong enough, words descriptive enough, sentences long enough, or enough punctuation marks in the English language to tell you how much I hate this game!!!!